In just five weeks, Washington will be invaded by 13-year-olds. Thousands and thousands of eighth graders arriving in endless bus loads.

The horror. Oh well, take economic stimulus where you can find it because the kids are a major money maker come springtime. And we’re not just talking hot dogs and T-shirt stands.

Everyone’s itineraries are largely the same. Start at Capitol Hill to see Congress, head to the Lincoln Memorial for the war memorials and eat lunch at the Reagan building inbetween.

But if I could rewrite the schedule, give them a Ferris Bueller’s Day Off trip around town to places they might actually care about or remember, here are a few must stops.

International Spy Museum (8th St. & F St. NW)

Great for anyone 8 to 80 and I sometimes think the big kids have the most fun, but eighth graders enjoy this private museum even if they don’t understand half of it. The 600 pieces on exhibit trace spying from Biblical times (Cain wanted to know what Abel was up to) to today. The G-men of the 1930s-40s are popular. Lots of great souvenirs, which is what eighth graders love most. Tickets are $18 for 12-older, $15 for 11-under, $17 for seniors and military. You need one hour.

Newseum (6th St. & Pennsylvania Ave. NW)

Extra, extra – read all about it: private museum chronicles media. Kids have a blockbuster fun time. It’s simply an interactive heaven. There’s a 4D movie and you can make your own video as a newscaster. (My youngest daughter made her first newscast there and is now a television reporter. Don’t worry, I saved the video for blackmail.) You can even see a big slab of the Berlin Wall and plenty of famous events in print, video and internet format. The Newseum is quite roomy and with no particular order to see exhibits gives teens the freedom to see whatever they like. The balcony provides some of the best views in town.

Tickets are $12.95 students, $21.95 adults. Two hours is rushing it, but doable.

National Gallery of Art Sculpture Garden (Constitution Ave. & 7th St. NW)

Kids need to burn off energy and this is the perfect spot. A park in the middle of downtown that is small enough to contain them and filled with oddities to amuse teens. The spider, silver tree, pyramid, rabbit will delight them. The big eraser will confuse kids because they’ve probably never seen a typewriter much less the old eraser for it. My kids are twenty-somethings and didn’t know what it was. There’s also an ice rink in the winter.

Admission is free. Thirty minutes pretty much covers it without laboring over each piece.

Albert Einstein Memorial (21st & Constitution Ave. NW)

I freely admit passing this statue a thousand times and never seeing it despite being only a few feet off the road. The 12-foot memorial is tucked behind small trees so drivers rarely see it aside winter.

Kids love this memorial because they can crawl all over it. Indeed, here’s a photo of me with fellow tour guides. It’s irresistible – the memorial, not us.

But beware, the kids might still learn something. Einstein’s left hand holds his three scientific equations that math/science students will appreciate. The theory of relativity and the equivalence of energy and matter (E=mc2) are commonly known, but I still can’t explain the photoelectric effect. Also, look down on the ground and you’ll see 2,700 metal studs representing the solar system as it was at noon on April 22, 1979 when the memorial was dedicated. Stand in the center and Einstein seems to be looking at you.

It takes 5-10 minutes for photos and then you can walk across the street to the Vietnam Memorial.

National Building Museum (401 F Street NW)

I don’t quite understand why kids love this place so much. I like it for the unique architecture, but youngsters of all ages enjoy creating their own buildings out of blocks. (Hey, that archway is tough.) Teens may also enjoy displays of all the major buildings around town and there’s a cool map that explains the town’s layout.

Admission is free and one hour sees the place.